Reflection:

l have began to reflect on my life quiet a lot during this time. The computer has become my best friend, my counseling dear friend. Oh, l have lost on dear friends,good memories of those that have crossed my path. l am grieving for myself? Not really, just reflecting on my life. Which began in a small town of Kabwe, Zambia. A very small population, two main streets and everyone knew who is who.

I have had a good life and have a long way to go. My journey has been slowed down but l am getting there. We all have our own choice and beliefs. The way l way this path of my life is my own destiny. How quick my steps are to reach the end of the road, is up to me. Therefore, l choose to do it alone because it is me that path is for. Pardon me if l sound arrogant, but also forgive me for being selfish.

I can not afford not to be selfish as this is the only way l will deal with my journey that has knocked me for six. l want to love myself as no-one has, apart from my mother, who gave birth to me. It is has been difficult and l can honestly say l am more happy during this transition. l have become more confident again and l am able to deal with the pain and all the disabilities that l now have. It is a new change for me, which is still hard to accept. l care a lot for my past life but l have also accepted and embraced the new me. 

I had a temper that made me shout and rant. Not anymore. Nothing upsets anymore. l keep going to hospital for my results and it's the same story, they haven't got them. Come on such and such a day. l smile and go home. How much energy my anger consumed my well being. l would have used all that in my healing. l have learnt a good lesson and l know he is wonderful 'GOD'.

God is good all the time. All the time 'GOD' is good. Yes, that's what faith can do. Make you believe and archive the mountains. No-one knows my time but only him. When he calls me l will answer and will follow him. But it ain't my time during this illness, maybe from something else.

Have you read the book (The Lovely Bones). A strange look at faith and how each one of us perceives what it means. l can sound mad, not knowing what l am about, but this is me finding a cure to my illness. It might work for me or not, but l have a very strong faith that it is making me, manage my life without depending on anyone.